years ago
i realized
that i was a child
of both ana and mia
a combo kinda girl
taking the best of both
a genetic goldmine
and then as time wore on
and i realized the pain was too much
to find myself
rocking back and forth
aching stomach
no resolve
and I turned my back on that family
the loving parents
who so graciously
held me in their arms
and wiped the tears
and gave me a new kind of hope
and i spent years coveting them
missing them
but lacking the strength to go back
and so here i am
crawling back
and how welcoming they are
how warm and familiar.

years ago
i realized
that i was a child
of both ana and mia
a combo kinda girl
taking the best of both
a genetic goldmine
and then as time wore on
and i realized the pain was too much
to find myself
rocking back and forth
aching stomach
no resolve
and I turned my back on that family
the loving parents
who so graciously
held me in their arms
and wiped the tears
and gave me a new kind of hope
and i spent years coveting them
missing them
but lacking the strength to go back
and so here i am
crawling back
and how welcoming they are
how warm and familiar.

I like the way this feels
so light and empty
like water would be too heavy
a thing
to consume
the way the fingers move quickly
and you feel
like even when standing
that your toes
are about to lift off
the ground
at any moment

do you recognize the feeling
somewhere half way
between sleep
and consciousness
it creeps over you
never less alert
eyes searching for
some kind of details
in a world
that is nothing but shades of grey
no real distinction
so you find a way
while you are feeling plastic
just making sure that you are real
to separate the colors
to make something real
something stand out
be recognized
ends the monotony of it all
all the shades of grey
and then a thick red line
begins to form
and with that line
your eyes can now focus
as if it was the light they needed
and you see distinct crisp boxes
of black and white
sometimes it takes the red
to bring them to the surface
sometimes that is all you need
something to focus on