I never had you
not really
even the moments
when we were together
you were somewhere else
something about you
was vacant
with boarded up windows
and a soul
locked behind doors
and I was fine with that
what little scrap
you'd throw me
and finally
when i could feel my ribs
and hips
and jaw line
i realized
that the scraps were not enough
i deserve more
than just pieces
more than what you
are willing to share

if i had been stronger
or smarter
or more willing to take a chance
or a leap of faith,
where would we be now?
if i had said
"i love you"
every time I wanted to
would that have changed anything?
if i had been less stoic
and more honest
if i held less secrets
and knew what I know now,
would that have changed things?
if i had known what I really wanted
and what i really needed out of life
if you had ever loved me
the way that you love her
where would we be now?

I took the best of you
ripped it from you
shook it loose
from your core
i sifted
through all your emotions
and stole the good ones
the ones that made me smile
that made you smile
i want to hold those
in some small glass jar
and keep them
a token to remember you by