my little world
can shatter
like an old mirror
shiny
and glossy
and willing to pop
and shatter
into hundreds
and thousands
of pieces
at the drop
of one little hat
and all of this
false security
all of this comfort
and optimism
for the future
it is gone
one moment
one instant
one phone call
one reality check
and boom
there it goes
my perfect future
right out the window
and here i am
the girls with one hundred
or one thousand
little cuts on her hands
and arms and face
because mirror shards
dont watch where they are going
and tears
and streaming odwn my face
mixing with the blood
already on my cheeks
and my voice is screaming
"Why?" through sniffles
and i look into one of the shards
my reflection still visible
and i start to laugh
and i grab a wash cloth
and i clean myself up
and i realize that things could be worse
things could be much worse
and perfect futures often fall apart
and i start to sweep up the glass
and inside,
i am still aching
tears still want to roll down my cheeks
but they dont
and i clean up the room
and i clean up myself
and i sigh
a huge sigh of relief
i have always been waiting
for perfect to fall apart
and now that it has happened
it is no where near as bad
as they once told me it would be.

the dreams have gotten worse
lately
the past two nights
i have remembered them vividly
waking early
with odd emotions
swirling
in the hollowness
of my belly
i dreamed that
Kevin Bacon
was a disciple of God
and he had a message for me
in the midst of supreme sleep
i dreamed that I woke up
knowing this was too weird
even for me
i dreamed then that
the new in-laws were nudists
and on the refrigerator
there were pictures of them naked
with strategically placed guitars
and the contents of my belly
and the lack of contents
are making me have odd dreams again.
so i keep waking up really early
unsettling thoughts
swirling in my head
but i am so tired
that i lie there still
sinking into the warm soft bed
precious blankets
wrapped around me
and i drift away again
often picking up
where i left off.