I am a bitch.... and I am ok with that, I really am. So, please keep that in mind as I embark on the subject of the dead freshman in Patterson.

First of all, let me just say, that to fall from a window, you have to put a little effort into and remove a lot of thought from the situation. For instance, if you bunk your beds, and put them next to the window and perhaps roll out one night... it was dumb to put your beds there.

I have spent many hours in the dorms and let me just say that in the course of a normal activity, you are not gonna fall out of the window. I have been concocting a few theories of my own as to what happened.

1.The new AC unit was so powerful that when she turned it on High, it blasted her out of the window.

2. She was a punk ass and wanted to see if they would really throw her out of housing for breaking the vertical plane.

Here are the other theories stirring around campus.
1.sucide
2.Smoking a cigarette on the ledge and fell
3.drunk off her ass and fell.

All three options here are in the running for the Darwin Award 2002 competition. Suicide is stupid because nothing is worth dying for... except an incredibly just cause. Like, if doctors told me that by killing me and doing some freaky tests, they could find a cure for cancer... I would do it in a heart beat... that is a just cause. When you are 18, you really have no clue what a just cause is.
Smoking.... those damn "Rage Against the Haze" peeps are gonna have a field day with this one. If you are six floors up... dont sit on the ledge.
Drunk... drunk people who are smart stay indoors... in the corner or firmly planted on the floor or bed.

I admit that this is a tragedy. I feel sorry for her as well as her family. I mean, she never experienced college life. College is sooo much fun. Sure, I bitch and moan about some paper or exam, but overall, it is awesome, and she missed out on all of that. Odds are good that if she had only thought things through a little longer, she would have started classes on Thursday along with the rest of us.

Now, I have said before that our admissions standards are apparently not too high. If she just rolled out the window unintentionally, this kinda reinforces that fact. We really need to raise the bar ya know... either that or lock the windows.

As USC students, we uphold the Carolinian Creed, however, I think it is entirely plausible that the administration upholds the carolinian greed. I am a bit huffy with the old Admin myself... now let me tell you why.

1. It is easy to park your car on campus (if you drive a hotwheel). The Admin is forcing us to buy garage spots. We are now a "green" campus, and I am sure that to the powers that be, a fucking parking meter is hideous compared to a godforsaken tree that will diminish driver visibility anyway. So, fuck the students... let's get rid of parking (therefore forcing them to buy a garage spot) and plant a shrub.

2. We have high admission standards (my, ass). Let's face it... a lump of dried dog shit could get in to USC. I mean, fuck... I got in! But look at this influx of freshmen... the largest class ever, possibly. Funny how when tuition prices rise, we admit more. Not that the incoming freshman class lacks it share of genius or anything... it is just look at the odds.... look at the numbers... and think back to when you graduated from highschool.... imagine if hordes of people from across the state came to USC who acted like the majority of your senior class... scary, isnt it?

3. Want a dorm room, oh no problem. Ok, housing is really pissing me off. We admit all these loads of freshmen... who are required to live on campus... then we can't house them. I say we build more dorms. Take the ghetto ass Heart of Columbia Hotel.... and turn it in to dorms. Revamp a few old buildings... we dont mind asbestos. Give us a place to stay on campus. If you can't house your student body... then I suggest you stop admitting people. Take care of what you have.... before adding more.

4. We need a campus bar. I really believe that this would generate a helluva lot of money for the school.... and maybe they could watch that damn tuition hike. We are going to drink regardless, and it would be smart of the school to take their cut of the profits. We would not be drinking and driving... as we would be walking to class... or our dorms (for those who have housing). Let us buy liquor on our new Carolina Card, and then save our regular cash for other much needed supplies. I am fucking tired of trotting my ass down to the Shell station for a 40. I mean, shit people... give us a campus bar. I want to go "where everybody knows my name" not the fucking Shell station where the dork behind the counter tells me when Marlboros are going on sale.

OK, so I stated a few of the problems... Admitting more students than we can possibly handle = more tuition money for school. Forcing students to buy parking garages by eliminating housing = more money for school. And I also tossed in the fact that many of us are homeless after this most recent housing fiasco. Now, I also proposed a solution... give us a campus bar. Sure, we could walk to Five Points, but I think that a little bar right in the heart of the Russell House would be marvelous. Shit, if you think about it.... if we had that bar, I wouldnt be bitching about housing, parking, or the greedy little Admin; I would be asking someone to help me back up onto my bar stool.