Lives have a tendency
to fall apart
it is in that very moment
when you drop the magazine
on the floor
and the pretty model
from page 4
lets her makeup
smudge your carpet
it is in that very moment
when your stomach aches
from being too full
your teeth chatter
from being too cold
emotionally
and you see
for the first time
in a long while
the clutter
that your life has become
busted at the seams
so you make a promise to yourself
and you mean it this time:
you will be perfect
as close to perfect
as you can be
and when that isnt good enough
you will form a game plan
plan b, c, ...z
whatever it takes
you have perfection in you
you can feel it
just below the surface
nestled near the bones
waiting to blossom
into something else
something more than
this perfect pain.

I bargain with God constantly
we make these little deals
"God, if you will let Mama's
doctor's visit go well, I wont
complain about a thing.
I wont bitch about how my ear and jaw are
pounding in my brain.
Amen."
And he listens.
and he answers.
and she is fine.
doing better
and better.
And I bargain again
another day
another small crisis
that I want to disappear.
And He listens
and He answers.
and I bargain again.
this endless cycle of yard sale heckling.
two for the price of one
but regardless
of all the bickering
and "how low can you go"
he makes me an offer I can't refuse
God is not a used car salesman.....
but he would be an infinitely
successful one.